Thursday, December 10, 2009

Copper Toxicity- Adrenal/Thyroid Imbalances

I've never thought about zinc/copper ratios until yesterday, until I came across an article. This seems like it could be a huge discovery in my healing journey, HUGE.

Here are some articles I've been reading:

While reading about the thyroid yesterday, I was amazed to learn how great a role copper and zinc levels play in hormone production. Evidently it's relatively easy and not all that uncommon to become low in zinc, while rising high in copper (to an almost toxic level), especially if you suffer from adrenal fatigue and thyroid imbalances.

I suspect that I have high-toxic levels of copper/low zinc, as a result of stress. I want to get tested for all my mineral levels, but until then, I think it's a good idea to supplement my diet with zinc (probably along with calcium and magnesium) and try to avoid high copper foods. I also plan on using a tanning bed 1-2x this Winter (i know, I know) to get vitamin D, keeping my stress low (to avoid more copper build up).

This whole thing is new to me and I can't be certain it's what is wrong, but my insticts tell me I'm on the right path. If my copper levels are high, lowering them can help my anxiety, insomnia, depression and hypoglycemia.. that will in turn help me sleep well, stay calmer and eat better... all of which helps my adrenals and my overall health.

This is what happens when you're positive and patient. Yesterday I envisioned myself being healthy and getting even healthier... when you stay positive and peaceful, you are able to see more solutions. When you think of what you want, and BELIEVE it will happen, you automatically move towards it. (call it the Law of Attraction if you wish)


Saturday, November 28, 2009

Finding My Courage Again

Wow. What a 24 hour period.

This Monday would of been 6 months sober, but last night, I relapsed. It hit me, that my romantic relationship is actually over for good. I was terribly upset yesterday and thought "I just can't live with this." When I thought about "my life", which really means, "my life situation" it seemed so empty without him. Plus, I had already been choosing to find the negatives in my situation lately anyway... resentful the Winter weather, living with the parents, not working, all my free time, and the raw diet.

I woke up sick this morning, but grateful the whole thing happened. I drank, cried, and realized what I could go back to. Which is feeling sick all the time, stressed, depressed, furthering debt, destroying friendships, hurting my family and maybe even death. I knew it wasn't a path I wanted to go down, but in a moment of pain, I stopped caring. And, I didn't know how I would feel upon waking today... fearing I would be even more miserable and unable to cope.

I was a little anxious and unhappy this morning, of course, but was okay. I came to my senses, literally. I focused on my breathing. I stopped myself, when I started thinking about the night before, him, or tried to picture my next few months. I create my own reality... if I'm thinking negative thoughts, I will feel negative.

I listened to some Wayne Dryer and Tony Robbins, and felt re-impowered. Last night, I had mostly been fearing my ability to be happy, and thought I couldn't overcome this. But, I truely know that I hold the power. I will be happy no matter what my circumstances. I have regained that confidence and it's the most important thing to hold onto.

Plus, he is probably right, we're not a good match. I would of still loved to date for a while... and just see where it went, but you can't always get what you want. And maybe thats a sign that you shouldnt hold onto desires and believe you need to obtain them to be happy. It's a lesson I've been learning all year, "want what is." The more often things don't go as planned, the more I learn to surrender. :)

So, I'm having surprisingly decent day. Watching movies with glitter montages with my sister, the sun was out today, and I have a peace about me. Even deactivated my Facebook account, so I could spend less time online, and more time trying to enjoy people in person. :P

I know I will have hard days, but I will do my best to focus on the positive and truely I'll be an even better/happier person by the end of this. :D

1. Find the positive
2. Stay busy
3. Fill up your life with friends, family, hobbies, etc.
4. Enjoy the little things
5. Find evidence of your strength daily, always know your power

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Hyperthyroid and Still Not Being Raw

I'm having a hard time pushing through the low-fat raw diet side effects. I was 100% raw yesterday, and ended up having a horrible nights sleep. I know that I feel more restless, irritable, anxious, tense, and have sleeping problems on 811. It's also incredibly frustrating to have to eat 4,000 calories of fruit and not to mention, economically impossible at this point.

But, I think if I could just stick with it, for those 3 months, I would find things vastly improving.

I know I have CFS, candida, adrenal fatigue, hypoglycemia and some sort of thyroid problem. I used to think I was hypo, but I just realized it's most likely HYPER.

Some symptoms of HYPERthyroidism:
"There is a wide range of signs and symptoms including weight loss with increased appetite, anxiety, tiredness, sleep disturbances, muscle weakness, intolerance to heat, tremors, muscle weakness, enlarged thyroid (Goiter), a bulging of one or both of your eyes, vision problems, diarrhea, faster heart rate and shortness of breath. Women may experience decreased menstrual flow and irregular cycles."

I have all the symptoms but a goiter, and it would explain why I always need to eat, but never gain any weight. I don't know if I could get chubby if I wanted to. I'll go to the free clinic tomorrow so I can get my blood drawn and set up a dental appt.

One of the most important things you can do for your thyroid is improve your immune system. 811/raw heals the immune system for sure. But it's also extremely important that I stay calm and peaceful.

Also, foods that suppress the thyroid that I love to eat are:
I will up these while eating raw!

Today I ended up choosing rice and lentils, just to feel more relaxed. I do want to do 811, I'm just a little fragile right now, and I'm missing my man, so sleep is hard enough as is. : /

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Major Turning Points In Life

The past two days have been some of the most important days of this year... maybe even of this life.
After leaving my boyfriend's house, and not really speaking to him the past couple of days, I feared I would fall back into old patterns.
History: I have very strong "borderline" traits that have previously caused chaos, destruction, and depression. When problems arose before, I reacted with stress and desperation. I have been in recovery (from my last major, major breakdown) for 2 years, but still wasn't handling even day to day life stressors well. The last break up I went through left with me symptoms of PTSD (no joke). I had extreme pain and lonliness during and 6 months after our break up. Abused alochol and drugs all day, did weird things. Ran out of the E.R room while waiting for the doctor, my arm still cut open and bloody and no shoes on. Got home and drank some more. Also, I overdosed to try to die. People frequently had to rescue me. I was kicked out of bars. I was cut out of my friends lives. I failed at out patient. I kept going in and out of the ER.

Turing Point #1: Finally, my parents had me committed and I stayed for 5 weeks. I was mad at first, cause I couldn't commit suicide very easily in a psych ward. But, I had this moment, 3 days in, when I realized that I deserved to be alive. I began to care about myself again, and believe I could change my life. That was almost 2 years ago. For a year after that, I was still depressed, still relapsing, but getting better, learning more and doing the best I could.

Turning Point # 2: I read A New Earth. HUUUGE shift. I no longer completely hated myself. I no longer felt inferior and insecure all the time. I saw the power my thoughts held. I saw that I was more than my life situation. I wasn't my mental illness... later, I found a boyfriend, started working and felt pretty good considering the chemical depression that still weighed on me.

Turning Point #3: I had just relapsed on alcohol for 3 days. On the third day I was found passed out in an alley, in the middle of the day. Someone called the cops, they took me to the ER first, then took me to jail. I woke up sick in jail, shaking, etc... really sick too because I've been already suffering with CFS and candida. Drinking made me feel horrible, but I did it anyway because I was so desperate to escape my fears. A week later I was still struggling (luckily my family and boyfriend we're by my side). Crying on the cold kitchen linolem floor, repeating to my mother "I have to treat this depression, I don't know how but I have to treat this depression." I knew if I didn't treat my deep chronic depression, I wouldn't be able to stay sober, and I might not be able to survive. I was at a breaking point. I hadn't been able to get enjoyment out of things. It finally forced me to look for alternatives to anti-depressants (because I couldnt handle their side-effects). I read Depression Free For Life, and started taking amino acid supplements. I was happy within 3 days. I cried I was so relieved.

Turning Point #4: Now- Things overall, are better than they have been in 3-4 years. But, I was getting more and more unhappy with my life situation. While hoping to avoid stress and focus on healing... I avoided all other aspects of LIFE. I lost touch with friends and didn't make new ones. I spent all my time on the couch... which for a while was necessary, but since I'm no longer so sick from eating more raw, I am able to do more. But I was acting scared. Afraid to work, afraid to go out in public alone. Afraid to try new things. Unmotivated to do hobbies. Just in a rut and demanding (in an unconsicous way) that my boyfriend make me happy. Pointing at him to explain my unhappiness... we began to fight, I started to resent who he was and how because he wasn't wanting to lead a more active, t.v.-free, computer-free, raw, spiritual lifestyle, I couldnt either. HAHA!

I moved home with my folks. I was sad the first 3 hours. then...I wasn't expecting this, but this strength came out of me. This confidence and drive that said "you can make your life full, and you will do it starting now." No more excuses, no more fear, no more doubts!

I'm unsure how this is happening, I'm surprised with myself. I know partly I'm taking more responsibility for my happiness (instead of putting on others, or saying is not possible to be happy) but I'm also doing something else. I'm believing in myself and caring about myself.

There were moments yesterday, and today, when I could of fallen into old patterns that would lead to a very dark place. I could of fulfilled the old beliefs that I am "sick" and "dont handle change well" I could have let a little negative thought turn into another, then another, then into sadness, then into anger, then into depression, then into desperation, then into suicidality. For some reason though, I don't fear losing control anymore. I've learned so much these past 2 years, I've built up a strong foundation, I am not the same person I was 2-3 years ago.

In those moments, I still felt pain, I still wanted to run from it initally... but I instead chose to just allow it to be there. And I went on walks, used CBT Help worksheets, stayed busy, chose pleasant thoughts, started an art project and spent time with family instead. It was a hard day, but at the same time, a peaceful and productive one. Though I ate a cooked dinner, I still did low-fat and I still ate raw during the day. I'm okay with that. I am trying again tomorrow!

I've very encourage by this and my confidence in handling life just keeps growing.

I want to keep on this path of adding joy and fulfillment into my life as well. I went to a raw meet up here today, and made a new friend who is going to join the support group I'm creating for people who need focus and encouragement to make diet and exercise changes! I'm excited for what life has to offer! I'm no longer empty and sad, because I'm finding ways to fill my life with joy! I needed to stop always trying to just fix my mind and be accepting of what is, but also, make my outside world more enjoyable! I want to continue my love relationship, but I want to focus more on other aspects of life and keep a level of independence. When you are at peace and living a fufilling life, you can be with someone cause you love them, not because you need them. A dependency develops eaily, not just for me, but  for most people. Talking everyday can even be excessive and distract you from friendships, hobbies and everything else! Plus, it's easy to become bored of one another. Time apart helps to keep things fresh and you spend time together when you want to enjoy one another's company.

It's hard at first, but push yourself and you'll be greatly rewarded.

I have more turning points coming in my life. These are just a few! I hope to hit walls and find ways to change, instead of repeating the same misery over and over again... instead of just letting life happen to you, you can use these opportunities to create the life you want!

Live the life you've always imagined.

What's stopping you now? Do you assume you'll live to 78? Do you assume some day you will have the courage? Some day you will be willing?