I Hate Myself and My Life

Started having problems with my teeth. They hurt after fruit meals. I became uncomfortable with eating fruit today. Felt like it was dangerous for the well being of my mouth. I tend to over react and make rash decisions. So, I ended up eating salad with olives, and rice crackers for lunch. This is incredibily depressing to me. My acceptance of what is has become very low again and I'm being way too hard on myself. I see that this is going on, I'm going to attempt to find some peace through challenging my negative thoughts...

1. I will never get healthy
2. I need to be my healthiest
3. I am shameful in my mental instability
4. I should be a stronger person
5. I make too many mistakes
6. I will never be good enough
7. People think I'm bad
8. I don't deserve to live
9. Life is too difficult, things are so terrible
10. I am ready to die

At least I can see that these are DISTORTED thoughts. They are not only making me misrable, they are not true.

1. I enjoy life no matter what state my health is in, and it's much better than it was, I can walk farther, do more activities, think more clearly and feel much less discomfort and depression.
2. I am already more healthy than not (cause I'm alive!) and it's really about the journey. These times are just as wonderful as the future. These times are going to be looked upon fondly one day. The time when I made difficult but rewarding changes slowly, each day. I might say... "it was such a roller coaster, always something new, but I learned so much and felt so alive... it was an exciting, beautful time, even during moments of pain."
3. Having mental instability is common and just makes for more learning experiences and variety in life. I love myself even when I am struggling with the ego and it's dellusions. It's an opportunity to show all the skills I've already learned and to show my determination. It makes me that much stronger and wiser of a person.
4. I am strong becuase I don't drink alcohol or self harm, and even often stay raw during strong negative emotions. I am strong because I always pick myself back up and figure out a way to make it work, to overcome a mental or situational problem. "Sometimes courage is that little voice at the end of the day that says, I will try again tomorrow." I may fall a million times, but I will never give up on myself again.
5. Mistakes are essential to finding success. Each time you make a mistake, you're one step closer.
6. I am already whole. I am life. Just here in this physical form to experience what happens and observe the world. I am the awareness. I am already whole, I am already perfect, because I am love. Love is perfect.
7. Most people think that I am good. They see my flaws, but they also see my attributes. People are loved and accepted even without perfection, even with seriously difficult flaws such as a personality disorder. I love my brother unconditionally, he has depression and is very negative. I love him just as he is. People in my life, love me just as I am.
8. Life is NOT a matter of deserving to live or not to live. We are just here. There are no requirements or accomplisments neccessary to be worthy enough for life.
9. Yes, sometimes life is difficult, but that is wonderful! Mostly though, life is quite calm and enjoyable. I appreciate the downs, because they make the ups more significant. There is so much beauty around me. Simple things are to be cherished, like cute kids, fall leaves, and riped bananas.
10. By the end of writing all of those, I no longer feel so dark and hopeless. I need to change my expectations that things are supposed to go a certain way, that life is supposed to always be moving forward, always easy and nice. I might die tomorrow, living til 78 isnt a guarentee. If today was my last day, I would be disappointed. Being here is quite great!

Being grateful for what is... challenge the beliefs that something is negative.